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Parenting > Self Esteem

High self esteem is when a child feels important, accepted, in control and purposeful. Having healthy self esteem is to feel lovable and capable. A parent can be challenged as to the best strategies and tools needed to promote high self esteem in a child. But it's healthy self esteem that will help a child become an emotionally and relationally healthy adult.

High self esteem is not about over-confidence or conceit. In her book, Your Child's Self Esteem, author Dorothy Corkille Briggs points out that high self esteem is a quiet sense of self-respect, a feeling of self-worth. A child's self esteem is like a "psychological mirror" that is used to build his or her identity. Children value themselves to the degree that they've been valued.

There are specific ways to help build a child's self esteem. Beginning with focused attention ("genuine encounters") from a parent, a child will feel connected and loved. A child needs to feel not only physically safe, but also psychologically safe as well. The bedrock of safety is trust and honesty. And a child needs to feel the safety of non-judgement, being cherished and empathy, as well. Healthy self esteem will help a child academically, socially, and creatively.

Self esteem arises from a sense of satisfaction that a child experiences when certain conditions in his or her life have been fulfilled. In the book, How to Raise Children's Self Esteem, the authors discuss that what is missing in a child's experience will always be found within one or more of the following four conditions that are required for self esteem: connectiveness, uniqueness, power and role models. A parent who promotes healthy experiences in each of these four areas, will help build high self esteem. A child who is not having healthy experiences in each of these areas may drift toward unhealthy experiences to fulfill his or her needs.

Many parents find it a huge challenge to know how to build healthy self esteem in children. Understanding the importance of high self esteem and having the tools to promote it may be two different challenges. One-on-one guidance is available. If you want more information on how to promote high self esteem in your child, please contact us.